


Ringing Home

by alley_oops, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Logan Marshall-Green and KJ Apa [6]
Category: Actor RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), New Zealand Actor RPF, Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 16:29:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17512031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alley_oops/pseuds/alley_oops, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica
Summary: Logan (AU) is ex-military, ex-mercenary, mostly retired, and occasionally works for AU Tommy Flanagan who sponsored him into Citadel. He's also good friends with AU Antony Starr and Stephen Amell*. He has family money as well as his own. He struggles with PTSD. He was involved with AU Rafael Lazzini but that relationship ended roughly 10 months ago. Their storyline can be foundhere.Citadel knows Logan's past occupation(s) and current connections and they couldn't care less as long as he's not involving the organization directly in anything illegal.KJ (AU) is busy traveling the world while he tries to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life after having made a huge sum of money from an app he developed. He's been aged up to 31.*their storyline is posted under my name





	Ringing Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-posting (archiving) of all logs for the Logan Marshall-Green/KJ Apa storyline in the BDSM RPS RPG [Citadel](http://citadel.dreamwidth.org/read).

"...Incredibly cute. Yeah." KJ stands nude by the window, looking down on the canal while Logan finishes up in the shower. "No, he doesn't strike me as a serial killer," he hisses into his phone, and shakes his head at his sister's response. "He is absolutely _not_ after me for my money," he insists. The idea is laughable but he's not about to explain just why to Shanna. "Because I know. Yes, I'm sure."

Logan's about to step into the bedroom when he hears KJ say _...Incredibly cute. Yeah._ He stands there, frozen, listening for a moment, long enough to hear KJ assure whoever he's talking to that Logan's neither a serial killer (well, technically he's right) and not after him for his money (completely true), before disappearing back into the bathroom. He'll give KJ a few minutes and then make some noise so he knows he's coming out.

"Of course I'm still taking Mum to Ireland. I'm just going to Iceland first." KJ turns away from the window and flops back into the bed. "So then quit worrying. I'm _okay_ , Shan." He sighs. "Yeah, right. Talk to you soon."

"Everything okay?" Logan asks, stepping out, a towel wrapped around his hips, when he hears KJ end the call.

"Yeah." KJ rolls to his back and props himself up on his elbows, eyeing Logan. The graceful lines of his chest leading the gaze down to his narrow hips, and beyond. "Just assuring folks at home that I'm still alive."

"How often do you stay in touch?" Logan asks, settling on the edge of the bed beside KJ.

"Pretty much every day or so. Either my parents or one of my sisters." KJ trails his finger down Logan's side, then tugs at the towel.

"Do they expect you to, or do you do it because you want to?" Logan asks, curious. He's never had a real family and Rafael was the same. He grins and grabs at his towel, keeping it right where it is.

"Both, I think." KJ grins. "Tease. My sister thinks you have nefarious designs on me. All sorts of wicked stuff."

"And did you tell her she's right?" Logan says with a playful leer.

KJ laughs and pulls Logan to lie down with him. "What I should've told her is all the wicked plans I have for _you_ ," he says. "That would shut her up quick."

"What sort of wicked plans?" Logan asks, mouth moving over the side of KJ's throat.

"Pretty much everything we've talked about," KJ answers, his eyelids flickering closed. "With maybe a spanking thrown in for good measure." He slips his hand over Logan's bare shoulder.

"Mm. I like the sound of that," Logan says, shifting lower, licking and sucking and biting at KJ's chest and stomach. "Does that mean I can mark you?" he asks, lifting his head for a second.

KJ's breath catches. "You... want to?" he asks, his heart skipping. "Yeah, go for it."

Fuck yes. Logan's cock gives a sharp throb beneath the towel and he licks over a spot on KJ's stomach, over those fucking tight abs, before he bites and sucks, working the blood to the surface.

His breath rushes back in a gasp and KJ struggles to lie still. The sharp flash of pain is nothing to the arousal that immediately blooms.

KJ's cock kicks up against his throat and Logan smiles against his skin, moving lower and biting again, a second mark placed in the curve of his hip.

The stubble on Logan's face tickles, making KJ squirm. He's hard as a spike now, wired and wanting.

Logan shifts lower still, moving between KJ's thighs, his mouth on the tender inner skin, finding the perfect spot.

"Oh, god." KJ's whole body flushes hot with that bite, and he whimpers at the tiny shocks of pain that rage through him. "Fuck me, that's so good."

Logan grins and pulls back. "Turn over," he says, his own cock hard and aching, pressed tight against the bed.

KJ does so wordlessly, automatically slightly spreading his thighs.

Taking KJ's balls in hand, Logan starts to squeeze. "Let me know, if you can, when it gets to that sweet spot between pain and pleasure," he says, trusting KJ will know what he means. "Don't let me actually hurt you."

 _Oh. God._ "Yes, sir," KJ replies quietly. He squirms a little — can't help it, though he's certainly trying to keep it to a minimum out of self-preservation. "That's good," he whispers, heat blooming. "You can keep going."

Logan's fingers tighten, his breath thickening, every squirm going straight to his cock.

It's good, it's so good — right up until the instant when it's not. KJ yelps and fists his hands in the covers. "Right— right there," he gasps when Logan relaxes his grip a fraction. "Oh god yes. Please."

"Good boy," Logan murmurs, keeping his grip just so. He shifts up a little, watching KJ squirm for a moment before slowly and deliberately dragging his tongue from the back of KJ's balls to the base of his tailbone.

KJ whines, and it's a helpless sound coming from a full-grown man. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't _that_. The intense pleasure rides alongside the searing pain to leave him quivering.

"You like that, boy?" Logan licks over KJ's hole.

"Yes," KJ whispers, resting his cheek on the pillow. "God yes. More, please."

Keeping up the steady pressure on KJ's balls, Logan licks over his hole again and again, getting it good and wet before teasing the tip of his tongue in further.

"Ohgod," KJ chokes, shuddering hard. He rocks against the bed - as much as Logan's grip will permit - his cock aching for attention. "Sir," he whispers, and swallows around a sudden lump in his throat. "Please--" But there's no time. Pain flares and burns in the wash of his climax and he comes in the sheets, gasping for breath.

"Messy boy," Logan murmurs, but he's smiling, letting go of KJ's balls and shifting upwards, his cock fit between his lover's cheeks as he ruts against him, the wet of his own saliva slicking his path.

Logan's weight presses KJ into the mattress. Hazy, he moans and reaches back to touch.

"Oh, god," Logan breathes, fucking his cock between KJ's cheeks, the tip catching perfectly at the base of his tailbone. "I'm gonna come all over you..."

KJ whimpers into the pillow and his cock throbs limply. "Yes," he whispers, beyond arousal.

It doesn't take much more than that. Logan thrusts once, twice, and groans like he's been gutted as he comes, lacing KJ's ass and lower back with thick strands of hot white.

KJ can feel it, every claiming pulse like it's a brand searing into his flesh. He trails his fingers over Logan's knee, feeling strangely adrift. Reaching for something.

"You look so good like this," Logan murmurs, running his fingers through his own come, smearing it over KJ's skin. Owned. It's a fleeting thought and one he slams down hard on in an instant. Never mind they're on borrowed time, he doesn't even know if that's something KJ would want. Ever. Fuck. He drapes himself over the man, kissing the back of his neck, reaching for the hand on his knee and linking their fingers together. "You're amazing. _That_ was amazing."

"That hurt," KJ replies, the words a little smeared. He grins. "It was perfect."

Logan laughs and shifts so he can kiss the corner of KJ's mouth. "Good. Just remember - use your safeword if you need to. I'm not one of those doms who gets pissed off by being reined in."

"Mmm. What does piss you off?" KJ asks, aware of every languorous pulse of his blood.

"Not much in terms of serious stuff," Logan says, shifting to one side, the towel tangled around them now, his arm around KJ's waist and one leg hooked over KJ's calves. "But I get frustrated by small stuff, people arguing with me over things where I know I'm right, mostly because it's hard for me to put together exactly why I'm right with the meds and my head, and just feeling shitty from the meds. I get pissed off at myself, at my limitations sometimes."

Reaching out, KJ traces his fingertip around the shape of Logan's mouth. "But the meds help, ultimately?" he asks quietly. "Better than going without them? What happens when you don't take your meds to sleep?" Because he recognizes that appearances can deceive, but Logan has certainly seemed fine sleeping with him.

"Definitely better," Logan nods. "When I don't take the night ones, I have these nightmares, lash out in my sleep, sleep walk and run around the house," he laughs but it's all too serious. "I'm not at all aware of what I'm doing until I snap out of it and with my training, I could do some serious damage."

In protective reflex, KJ puts his arms around Logan. "How do you— do you keep from doing that damage, when you don't take your sleep meds?"

"I don't sleep with anyone and I have my place set up so I can do the least amount of damage to my things," Logan explains. "When I first met my ex, I wouldn't spend the night with him and when he stayed here, I had him stay in one of the guest rooms."

KJ's arms tighten. "I like sleeping with you," he whispers. "What wakes you up? Is there a safe word?" he asks, only partly joking.

"It would be great if there was," Logan says with a chuckle. "But no, I just eventually come out of it." He smiles at KJ. "Short-term I keep taking my meds. Long-term, I don't know what happens. I don't freak out every night but it still happens often enough that I wouldn't feel okay letting you sleep with me unmedicated. Unless you kept a taser handy," he kids. Mostly.

KJ smiles weakly. "Of all the people in the world I might want to tase, I'm not starting with you," he assures his lover, studying Logan's eyes. "Do you remember your nightmares?"

"Only bits and pieces of them." Logan's quiet for a moment before adding, "They're all the same though. Me back there, trying to escape and being caught... dragged back."

Ignoring the mess, KJ rolls to his side and squeezes Logan's fingers. "I'm sorry," he whispers, "sorry I made you think about it."

"It's okay," Logan murmurs, hugging KJ in close. "It's not a taboo subject and I'm trying to work through it."

"Are you in therapy? Will going to Iceland mess with that?" KJ asks, grateful for the reassuring hug.

"I am," Logan nods, not at all ashamed or uncomfortable talking about it. "I usually see my therapist on a weekly basis when I'm here but she's used to me going off for work. We're at the point where it's not absolutely urgent I see her all the time and if I have a problem, I'll give her a call."

"Am I going to cause you any problems?" KJ asks softly, trailing his fingers over Logan's shoulder. "I think I'm only just realizing how I really crashed into your life here. I don't mean to turn things upside-down."

"Hey," Logan says, suddenly concerned he's given KJ the wrong impression. "I am so fucking thrilled you crashed into my life. Seriously. I needed this." _Needed you._ "Look. It might not seem like it, but I am in a way better place than I was when I was with my ex. I was fighting being on the medication on that point, I was struggling with the changes in my life, retirement, everything. Now I'm good, really good, except I'm really bored sometimes." He laughs. "And I'm way too much of a loner for my own good. These few days with you and now going to Iceland? This is the best thing that's happened to me in a while."

"Okay. I'll trust you on that," KJ murmurs, still feeling off-kilter. Hell, every scene with Logan seems to spin him out regardless; he supposes it could be that as much as anything.

"You okay?" Logan asks, watching KJ, wondering if - despite his words - the other man's having second thoughts. "You can always uninvite me if you change your mind," he assures him. "I won't take offence."

"Uninvite you?" KJ echoes in disbelief, and shakes his head. "Never. I'm just... that was really powerful, what we did. How you did it," he says, struggling to explain himself. "I, um. I'm not used to feeling so clingy afterwards." And, truly, he's not used to having a partner indulge him in it.

Logan smiles, relieved. "We should keep the more serious discussions for when you're not still dealing with headspace," he says, giving KJ another hug. "But you don't have to worry. I'm never gonna complain you're being too clingy."

"Never?" KJ smiles and kisses him.

"Never," Logan repeats, meaning it whole-heartedly. He grins. "Whenever you're up for it, I think we both need another shower."

"Yeah." KJ chuckles ruefully, although he's loving every second. "And I'll change the bed if you point me towards the clean linens."

"Hall closet, but I'm not letting you go yet," Logan says, his grin widening as he tightens his leg and arm around KJ.

KJ laughs but doesn't protest in the least. "How are we going to get to the shower?"

"I said _yet_ ," Logan points out. "I kind of like you dirty," he teases.

"I like being covered in you," KJ whispers, unable to look away from those hypnotic smiling eyes.

Fuck. Logan stares back, fully aware he's already done for. Quickly covering for himself with, "Let's make a pact and promise we'll actually make it out of the hotel rooms in Iceland."

That breaks the tension, and KJ can't help but laugh. "At least once a day? For at least two hours at a time?"

"Exactly," Logan nods, giving KJ another kiss before he finally lets go. "C'mon. Bed, shower, food and then I'll show you my writing space."

"Really, you'll let me see it?" KJ asks in delighted surprise, beginning to strip the bed.

"I said I would," Logan points out, grabbing clean sheets from the hall closet. "It's not secret. That's my actual writing."

"And your pictures? Those too?" KJ asks, working with Logan to set the bed to rights. They really did make a mess, he thinks with a grin.

"I'll show you my pictures," Logan agrees. "You played for me so you should get something in return." He chuckles, observing, "You look very happy."

"Yeah, well. It's fun getting so dirty with you." And if KJ looks a tad smug, he can't help it — he still has Logan's seed dried on his back.

Logan hesitates a second, pulling the duvet back up onto the bed. "You ever tried watersports?"

"Jet-skiing, surfing, wakeboarding... No." KJ eyes Logan, unsure what to think. "Are you into that?"

"Yeah," Logan nods, unsure of KJ's reaction in return, "but my partners don't have to be. It's not a must-have kink for me."

KJ's mind nearly goes haring off on what he knows of Logan's _must-haves_ , but he yanks himself back on track. "Can I ask what it does for you? Or... why?"

"Because it's naughty... dirty... humiliating, in a good way, I mean," Logan explains, putting out dry towels for them both. "Where you're both getting off on it for that reason." Reaching in to turn the shower on. "And it's another way of marking your submissive. Claiming them."

 _I'm not your submissive_ , is KJ's immediate thought, but it doesn't reach his lips -- and anyway, is he so certain that's true? "You make it sound pretty appealing, actually," he says with a laugh for himself. "I mean, I haven't played around with humiliation much, but it's sure fucking hot when you do it to me."

Logan grins, reaching for KJ's hand and pulling him into the shower. "Just remember what I said about safewording." He wraps his arms around the other man and kisses him soundly. "Some stuff sounds good and then when you get doing it, it feels all wrong. There's no harm in admitting it's not for you."

"Mm-hmm." Everything feels right with Logan so far. And his kisses are hypnotic, wiping all thoughts from KJ's mind and leaving behind an intense need to get closer. Wrapped around him with the hot water pouring down.

Fuck. Logan grabs KJ's ass and hikes him against him, licking deep into his mouth and then biting at his lips. "I can't get enough of you," he murmurs and maybe he really does need help, because who gets this fucking wrapped up in someone they just met, someone who lives on the other side of the goddamn world?

"We're going to go blind, both of us," KJ jokes, because he can't help holding on just as tight, opening himself up. He hikes one leg up and wraps it around Logan's hip, wanting to be as close as he can. Pumping out need, rewarded when Logan takes it all and more.

"We're getting it out of our systems," Logan quips back, biting down KJ's throat now, fingers delving into his cleft, rubbing over his hole. "So we can travel and keep our hands off each other."

"Well, hell," KJ laughs, because if that's Logan's attitude then he'll take him at his word. "I want you so fucking much," he gasps, rubbing against him.

Logan doesn't think he's gotten this hard this fast this often since he was a teenager. "You're going to be so sore," he warns, feeling like he should, like he's failing in his duty if he doesn't.

"I know." KJ snickers, elated and feeling light as a feather. And he doesn't stop, pushing into Logan's fingers in demand. "I fucking love your cock."

"And I fucking love your ass," Logan returns, using the water to push the tips of two fingers just inside. "There's rubbers in the vanity drawer." Waterproof lube already in the shower.

 _Don't want one_ , KJ thinks, but he dutifully gets out to snag one anyway, shoving the rebellious thought aside. He's back in the shower in a second, dropping gently to his knees. He indulges himself by taking Logan's cock as deep into his mouth as he can, only pulling off with a soft moan to slip the condom into place. Standing again, he turns to brace against the tiled wall, spreading his legs.

Logan shivers at the sight, arousal coiling hard once again at the base of his spine. He steps forward, covering KJ's body with his own, his fingers slicked and pressed deep.

With a groan KJ greedily takes his fingers inside. Yes it's true he's sore, but perfectly so — Logan always feels so damn good, and he wants as much as he can get, for however long they have together.

Crooking his fingers just so, Logan presses his mouth to KJ's ear. "You want my cock, boy?"

KJ nearly melts. "Oh fuck yes please, sir," he babbles in one breath. "Please core this boy open."

Logan had been going to make KJ beg but hell, he just got what he wanted and in spades. He rubs insistently over that bundle of nerves for a second longer and then pulls his fingers free, replacing them with his cock, the head nudged through that first still tight ring of muscle.

Pushing back against the tile, KJ shouts. He takes Logan deeper by fractions, a seemingly endless process. Gasps for breath and wiggles his hips, trying to tempt Logan to more.

"I'm going to make you work for it, boy," Logan growls against KJ's ear. "Make you fuck yourself open on my cock."

A low moan spills from KJ's lips, barely loud enough to be heard above the spattering shower. He exhales slowly, then bears down. Rocks his hips to slip Logan deeper each time. He feels bare bent over like this, exposed, and pushing himself to be penetrated makes color rush to his face. Like he's surrendering before this man.

Logan groans, looking down, watching where his cock is disappearing into KJ's hole. "C'mon, boy. Take it," he orders, running his hands over KJ's cheeks, squeezing and then slapping them.

A choked cry and KJ shoves back, taking Logan until the man's balls are snug against his ass. Pain rips through his body and his shout rings off the tile, but through it all his cock stays hard as an iron spike.

"Good boy," Logan praises, his cock throbbing violently. "Good, good boy," he murmurs, squeezing and slapping KJ's ass again. Just because he can.

KJ moans and grabs his ankles. Begging with his body for Logan to take him.

"I want words, boy," Logan demands as KJ drops down, making himself nothing more than a hole for Logan to use. "Beg me to fuck you."

Shit, words? _Now?_ "Please," KJ manages, and it seems like a safe place to start. He's achingly full, speared by Logan's prick and feeling balanced on a knife's edge. "I need you to fuck me open. Hurt me. My--" he licks his lips. "My cunt."

Logan's cock gives another rough throb and he stifles a groan as he rocks his hips, pushing just that fraction of a bit deeper. "Your cunt." He spreads KJ's cheeks with his thumbs. "Your tight hot cunt." Pulling back to the tip, the head teased in and out a few times before he slams back in, widening his stance a little. "I'm going to fuck you raw, make you bleed again..."

With a whimper KJ firms up his grip. "Yes!" he cries out over the noise of the rushing water. "Please, sir! Fuck me!"

And Logan takes KJ at his word. Hips gripped tight, his feet planted firmly, he drives into the other man, fucking him with everything he's got.

KJ cries openly now, his tears mixing with the hot drops of water. He splays his hands on the floor and simply takes it, his gut knotted with lust. Ass open and sore and Logan's dominance absolute.

Fuck. KJ's cries only spur Logan on, the water below them swirling with drops of fast fading red. He pounds into KJ's ass, into his already battered hole, knowing it's what they both want, what they both need, and comes with a shout, the sound ringing off the tiles, his cock swelling that slight bit more.

Pleasure is so close KJ can taste it on his tongue, he reaches-- fails, and shudders, his fingers flexing on his wet skin. "Please," he whispers, or maybe he only hears the word in his mind.

"Please what?" Logan prompts, moving again, his cock still hard, still fucking KJ. The thrusts too gentle to be anything but a tease.

"Please let me come, sir," KJ begs, starting to shiver.

That's a sign Logan's pushed him far enough and he nods, slipping a hand under KJ to grasp his cock and stroke. "Do it," he orders. "Come for me, boy."

It only takes a touch. KJ bucks into his grip and sprays hot with a howl, a stray droplet hitting his chin. He braces against the floor now but sways and drops to his knees.

"Hey, I've got you," Logan says, helping KJ up to sit on the shower bench. He hugs him hard, giving him a kiss and a smile. "You were amazing. I'm going to quickly wash us both up," he says, reaching for the soap, "and we'll lie back down for a bit."

"Mm-hmm." KJ nods, hit with a wave of sudden intense weariness. He lets Logan move him and help him out of the shower, and soon he's toweled off and tucked back into bed. He reaches for Logan the second he can, burrowing into his chest. Needing his strength, his heat.

"I'm so proud of you," Logan murmurs, kissing the top of KJ's head and holding him tight. The words mattering far less than the tone and his making KJ feel warm and safe and secure.

That rich voice... KJ feels like he could drown in it endlessly. He relaxes his death-grip minutely, the clutch turning to more of a cuddle. And he passes the fuck out.

* * *

When it becomes obvious KJ's dead to the world and a jackhammer wouldn't wake him, Logan shifts to sitting up a little, the pillows plumped behind him, his one arm still hugging KJ close as he reaches for the book on his nightstand. He reads for a bit, spends some time looking at KJ, reads some more before returning to stare at the other man, watching him sleep, memorizing his features, enjoying having this, this intimacy, this perfect little moment of time - of which there have been an incredible number for just two days - and goes back to reading. Rinse and repeat.

When KJ finally wakes he's still groggy, and it takes a few seconds to orient himself. Then the memories come back in a rush, heating his face. He looks up at Logan and smiles. "I don't usually take naps, honest."

"I like naps," Logan says, smiling back. "And I like holding you," he adds, closing his book and setting it on the nightstand. "And you're not putting me off in any way. I fully expect to do both after we play."

"Hmm." KJ nestles in and rests his cheek on Logan's thigh. "I didn't get to see where you write."

"You also didn't get to eat," Logan points out. He glances at the clock. "I can still make us some pasta. We can take it out to the guest house. Or..." noting just how settled in KJ is, "we can have cereal again and I can show you tomorrow when we get back."

KJ laughs and sits up. "I want to see. And I guess at some point we should start checking on flights," he adds, still not quite believing Logan will come with him. It just sounds too good to be true.

"You can use my laptop while I make dinner," Logan says, leaning forward to give KJ a kiss before he gets out of bed and grabs a pair of pajama pants from his dresser.

With a sigh KJ lies back for a moment. When he gets up he winces, then moves more gingerly. What the hell was he thinking, begging Logan to use him so hard? He tries to scold himself, knowing he should have regrets -- but it just felt so damn good. He pulls on some boxers from his bag and makes his way downstairs. "Am I going to find anything fun in your browsing history?"

"Probably not. It's set to clear every time I shut it down," Logan grins, heating a pot of water for pasta and chopping some fresh tomatoes and basil. "You can check my bookmarks though. There's some awesome porn on there."

"Yeah? What's your poison?" KJ asks with a grin, seating himself at the counter. "Bound gods, that kind of thing? Mormon twink porn, Czech fluffers?"

"Bound Gods, some other sites like it," Logan nods, pulling plates from the cupboards. "One of my friends is hugely into twinks. Legal but the younger looking the better." He shakes his head, amused. "So not my thing."

"You'd rather hurt me than some pretty young thing? I'm flattered. I think," KJ snickers. He gets up to help, finding the utensils and napkins. "I like bound gods, myself. Some of it I know I'd never have the patience for - all those knots - but it's nice to look at."

"You _are_ a pretty young thing to me, just not his type of pretty young thing," Logan corrects, teasing, grabbing his laptop from the end of the island and unlocking it with his fingerprint. He pulls up a browser and nods towards the screen. "Go ahead. Find us some flights."

"All right." KJ's fingers fly over the keys. "Do you want to layover in New York or Boston? The Boston flight leaves LAX at 8:01 in the morning, gets in around 6 am the next day."

"How long is the layover?" Logan asks, checking on the almost boiling water.

"An hour and a half. Just long enough to grab dinner and a shower in the lounge," KJ answers, studying the screen as he enters in different combinations of details. "Or-- yes. We can get two seats together that night to Keflavik." He's not used to shopping for two.

"Sounds good to me," Logan says, dropping the spaghetti into the pot. "Do you want to book them and I'll e-transfer the money to you? Or vice versa?"

"I'll book them. Oh good, they have those pod things." KJ logs into his travel account and makes the arrangements, then hits up the search engine. "Remind me, where are we going tomorrow?"

"Just up the coast. Santa Barbara, maybe inland to Solvang," Logan says, glancing up at KJ and smiling. "It's a beautiful drive and Solvang's a really cool place that not that many people know about."

"Sol...vang," KJ sounds out, Googling the town. "They have an actual working windmill. And... ahh, I see. A vintage motorcycle museum, that's lit."

Logan grins. "It's a cool little place. Really different from anything else in California." He checks on the pasta. "Almost done. What do you want to drink? Beer, wine, juice, water..."

"Water is good." KJ fetches them each a glass and kisses Logan's nape in passing.

Logan smiles at the kiss. To hell with travelling or playing, he could happily just curl up and make out with KJ all day. He tests the pasta once more. "Perfect." He drains the pot, tosses the pasta with the tomatoes, basil and generous dollops of garlic-infused olive oil and divides it among two plates. "Do you want cheese on it?" Already fetching the parmesan from the fridge.

"Yes, please. God, that smells good. I didn't realize how hungry I was," KJ says, a wry smile touching his lips. He's been pretty out of it in general. "What time should we leave tomorrow?"

"Same time as yesterday? Six?" Logan says, sprinkling both plates of pasta fairly liberally with the cheese. "That way we can beat the traffic and be home at a decent time given we'll have to be the airport for five the next morning." He picks up the plates and nods towards the water and cutlery. "Want to bring those?"

KJ follows him out to the guest house. Writer's lodge maybe, he figures. The style is the same as in the big house, tastefully decorated with an eye towards tradition. The walls without a view are packed with books. "Wow. Did you do all this yourself?" he asks, arching an eyebrow. "Tell me you had some professional in here for that."

"For the bookshelves?" Logan asks. He shakes his head. "No. This was a garage when I bought the place. I converted it, did most of the work myself, with help from a friend or two, put in the bookshelves when I moved in full-time."

"Uh-huh." KJ sets the water bottles down by the couch. "So, what was that?" he asks, then clarifies. "You know, that you _don't_ do?"

Logan settles on the couch, setting the plates on the coffee table in front of it. "My friend Marcus helped me with the plumbing and putting up some of the drywall, the ceiling stuff was a two-person job, and then Tommy helped with the kitchenette, refinishing the cupboards. I got them for five hundred bucks from someone who was redoing their kitchen. We sanded them down, cut them to fit, repainted. They both helped with the countertop. It's insanely heavy and it took all three of us to move it."

"That's everything, then? You actually do everything?" KJ teases, grinning at him. He hands over a fork.

Logan laughs. He takes the fork with a smile and picks up his plate, balancing it on his knee. "I don't do _everything_ ," he protests. "Well, not without some effort. I watched a lot of youtube videos and read a lot of DIY manuals. I just happen to have the basic skills needed to make sure I don't blow up the house trying to do things on my own."

KJ shakes his head but lets the issue pass. "Where'd you grow up?" he asks after taking a few delicious bites. "Where'd you get that sexy American accent?"

There's a second's pause, the slightest of hesitations before Logan answers. "South Carolina. Charleston."

KJ dabs at his mouth with a napkin. "And what's that like? I've never visited Charleston." Never been anywhere in the south, really, and that seems to matter a lot to these people.

"Charleston's beautiful," Logan says. "Lots of history, lots of greenery, gorgeous architecture, great food," he smiles, poking at his own. "The whole skyline is filled with church steeples. It's really pretty."

Nodding, KJ studies him. "You hated it?"

Logan hesitates again. Then. "I come from a really wealthy, really fucked up family. My childhood wasn't a happy one."

KJ places his bowl on his knees, warmth seeping through the china to his skin. "Did you have any siblings?"

"No, I'm an only," Logan says, forcing himself to take a few bites of his meal.

KJ watches him in silence, Logan's body language screaming. "I'm sorry," he says softly. He spears a tomato on his fork and pushes it around. "You're a survivor. You've made it through so much. And now I just want to hold you until you forget again."

"Thanks. Don't be sorry though. I've moved past it," _settled things my way_ , Logan thinks. "I don't usually talk about them at all, or my childhood, but it's part of getting to know a partner, I get that. I'm not in touch with them and I haven't been since I left home." Not with his parents anyway.

Nodding slowly, KJ takes that in. "If you ever wonder what it's like to have sibs, I've got two nosy sisters you can borrow," he cracks.

Logan laughs. "I'll remember that," he says with a smile, taking another - heartier - bite of pasta. "What about you? It sounds like you had an idyllic childhood?

"I guess so. We're pretty close. I was the only boy and the youngest, so I got babied a lot," KJ answers, thinking back. "I was always really involved in sports, though — sure didn't get babied there."

"Yeah?" Logan grins. "Were you ever bullied for anything?" Asking out of sheer curiosity.

KJ shrugs a little, scooping up pasta. "Just little stuff, typical stuff. Kids made fun of me for my name. Also because I was short until I finally hit my growth spurt when I was fourteen. For ages all the girls were taller than I was."

"That's pretty standard, I think," Logan says with another grin. "Taller, more mature, they all want to date college guys..."

"Guys with mustaches," KJ agrees with a laugh of memory. "My mustache game has always been weak."

Logan's grin widens. "I, on the other hand, can grow a glorious mustache," he says with a laugh, setting his plate back on the table. "Want to see what I looked like roughly a year and a half ago? After I came out of the hospital the first time?" He doesn't wait for an answer, going to his desk and digging through the top drawer for a photo Tommy took when he was in Scotland, staying with them. He hands it over to KJ.

"Oh, my god. You were a full-on mountain man." KJ stares at the picture of Logan with thick chin-length hair and, yes, a full mustache and beard, then studies his lover like he's trying to reconcile the two images. Which he is. "Were you hiding?"

"Yeah," Logan nods, confessing easily. "I just wanted to be left alone at that point."

"I can tell." KJ leans across and kisses Logan's cheek. "What made you decide to shave?"

Logan smiles at the kiss. "It was after I met my ex. I didn't do it specifically for him," he's quick to point out. "But meeting him made me decide to rejoin the land of the living."

"I'm grateful to him." KJ runs his thumb over his bottom lip. "Do you ever try and get in touch?"

"I still see him sometimes," Logan says, taking a drink of his water. "We belong to the same club, gym, I mean, and we're friendly enough but he's met someone new and he seems happy. I wouldn't risk fucking that up for him and there's just too much water under that particular bridge..." He gives a small shrug. "I'm not pining for him or anything. We had a good run. It was just too soon for me, really, after all that had happened."

KJ is grateful for that, too. Because the longer he goes without saying it, the more the realization presses on him that he's falling hard in love with Logan. The thought of being discarded in favor of a former flame - or anyone, really - is unbearable.

"You okay?" Logan asks, setting his empty plate on the coffee table and shifting a little closer. "I know it's terribly gauche," he grins, "of me to be talking about my ex."

"It's okay. I mean, I asked you. It would've been kind of weird if you didn't say anything," KJ chuckles. "But we can talk about something else now." He gestures at a photograph of a landscape, framed on the wall. "Is that one of yours?"

Logan nods. "I took that one in Utah," he says. "There was something about the sky I liked."

"It's stunning. The swirls of the clouds, and the way the sun shines through." KJ studies the print. "It's almost dream-like. And these ones? They're yours, too?"

Logan nods again. "Yeah. New York and the south rim of the Grand Canyon."

"They're beautiful. I flew over the Grand Canyon, but didn't stop anywhere in the middle of the country," KJ says, setting his empty dish aside so he can look more closely. "I love the ones in your bedroom, too, but I hadn't realized they're yours. You're really talented."

"Thanks," Logan says, ducking his head a little, struggling to accept the compliment graciously. Something he half-manages. "They're a hobby. Unlike my writing."

KJ smiles at him over his shoulder. "The writing is something you need to do, whether you want to or not?"

"Exactly," Logan nods, strangely pleased that KJ gets it. "I've always written, even if it was just poems or ideas for books on scraps of paper."

"Why the military, then?" KJ asks, turning and taking Logan's hand in his. "I mean, other than I'm guessing it was a giant ‘fuck you' to your family."

" _Huge_ 'fuck you'," Logan laughs. "Absolutely gargantuan 'fuck you'." He grins. "But besides that... I didn't have access to my trust fund right away, so there was no going to college without dealing with my parents and without college, the first few jobs I worked were shit jobs. The army guaranteed income, accommodation, a chance to move up on my own merit..."

KJ nods. "I can understand that. And now you have the freedom to do what you want."

"Yup. I got access to my trust when I turned twenty-five," Logan further explains, "but I'd already left the army by then and was working various contracts and making way more than I would have if I'd gone to college."

Absorbing that, KJ huffs a soft laugh. "My sister Shanna is scared you're using me for my money," he confesses. "I don't think that's true. Even though I'd probably let you do it."

Logan grins. "I'm basically retired at 41 and I could live quite well, travel, do whatever I want without giving it a second thought, so no, I'm not after you for your money and I'm not worried you're after me for mine either." He moves in closer, "But I think it's awesome you have family who would worry about that." Staring at KJ for a moment longer before leaning in to kiss him, soft and slow.

KJ sways on his feet. "Hell," he whispers between kisses, "I'm just relieved you're not straight."

"Me too," Logan can't help but joke. But then he kisses KJ again. "I really, really like you," he confesses.

The words seem to curl around KJ's heart. "I like you too," he whispers, staring into Logan's eyes.

Logan stares back. "Lucky me," he murmurs, before finally breaking the spell. "Um. Did you get enough to eat?"

"Yeah." KJ blinks, feeling oddly off center. He gathers up their dirty dishes. "I like your sanctum."

"Thanks." Logan smiles. "Not many people get to see it, but you shared your music with me so I figure I owe you." He takes the dishes from KJ. "I'll pop these in the dishwasher and we can go to bed."

"Okay." Still a little dazed, KJ follows in his wake, shutting off the lights as they leave.

"Are you okay?" Logan asks when they're back in the house, KJ strangely quiet. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No." KJ shakes his head. And smiles. "I'm good. Really good," he adds with a soft laugh. "Was just taking some time to count my blessings. And also thinking about how I've already gone to bed a few times today."

"Are you even tired?" Logan asks. "We can stay up but we'll be leaving pretty early."

"I'm not going to sleep just yet. But we can still go to bed. Talk some more," KJ suggests. "You can tell me where you see yourself in five years, which is a question I always suck at answering."

"In five years?" Logan laughs, putting the dishes in the dishwasher. "Where I'd like to be or where I think I'll be?" he asks, grabbing his meds and a glass of water.

"Let's go with the ideal situation," KJ answers, watching him shake his bedtime meds from their bottles. "Where would you like to be?"

"Fully retired," Logan says. That one's easy. "Published. Travelling." And because it's true and a huge part of things, "Seriously involved and living with someone."

"A permanent traveling partner," KJ acknowledges with a nod. "Not married with kids?"

There's a slow smile at that. "I've never really thought about either of those. While I was working it wasn't a question and Rafael was never interested. But yeah, with the right guy, if that's what they wanted, I'd be happy to be married, have kids. It's just not a make or break thing for me either way. It would depend on what was important to my partner."

KJ thinks that over as they climb the stairs to Logan's bedroom. "I've never really pictured myself as a dad," he admits. "Even when I thought I was going to marry my ex, I just didn't see myself that way. It was actually one of the reasons we broke up."

"Well, you can get married without having the kids," Logan points out. "If you see yourself as a husband." He grins.

"Yeah. That might happen. I like the idea of the ritual, you know?" KJ laughs, "And I want to add to my tattoo someday."

"You only add to it if you get married?" Logan asks, setting his water and meds on the bedside table and pulling the covers back.

"Nah, it can be any major life event. But I wouldn't want to take ink for anyone I wasn't sure about, you know?" KJ reflects, "Although of course, that's a story of its own..."

"Making the wrong choice, you mean?" Logan slips into bed, plumping the pillows behind his head and waiting for KJ to join him.

"Yeah, exactly." KJ kicks off his boxers and slips under the covers, immediately turning to lay his arm across Logan's chest. "But that'd be a huge tattoo, if I was recording all my mistakes."

Logan laughs. "That's true for most of us," he says, kissing the top of KJ's head. "What about you though? You didn't tell me your five year thing - ideal one, not where you think you have to be, but if you could have whatever you want, no matter how wild or impractical."

KJ nestles in, silent for long moments. "I want to have work. Something meaningful. And I want to be in love," he says softly, feeling his face heat. "Have someone to share it all with."

"How would your family be if you settled down with a man?" Logan asks, very aware that their plans seem to mesh almost perfectly.

"I think they'd be pretty okay with it. Once they got used to the idea. I've already tried to brace my dad with the idea that I'm not planning to bring any little Apas into the world to carry on the family name, so at least that issue's off the table," KJ murmurs. "And I don't think my mum really cares, as long as I'm happy. Same with my sisters."

"Your family sound amazing," Logan says with a smile.

"They are, yeah. I miss them." KJ tilts his head to look at his lover's face. "Would you consider Antony and his husband family?" He hates to think of Logan being lonely.

"They're probably the closest thing to it," Logan says, although it's not quite the same. "Tommy and his wife too. And Marcus and Christos. They're guys I've worked with multiple times on some pretty intense jobs."

"The more intense, the harder you bond. Is that right?"

Logan nods. "You trust them to have your back and you know you don't have to explain anything. They've been there, they know."

KJ hesitates before asking, "Do you miss it? That camaraderie?"

"Not really," Logan says after a moment of thinking. Carefully crafting his answer. "It's a hard life and it's hard to get out of and now that I'm out, I'm just grateful to be out. I miss working with those guys in particular but they've all moved on as well, career-wise, and recreating a group I trust that much?" He shakes his head. "I'm good."

Shutting his eyes, KJ takes a breath. "I want you to be happy," he says softly, and it's as much as he's willing to admit right now. "It's really important to me."

Logan's chest tightens and he tightens his arm around KJ as well. "I am happy," he responds just as softly. "Right here, right now, with you. And I am so happy about getting to spend the next few weeks together." Happier than he's been in a long time.

KJ smiles and he lifts up to kiss Logan. "I think I can sleep now."

"Yeah?" Logan kisses him back and reaches for his meds, taking them with a sip of water. "You've got fifteen minutes until I pass out," he teases. "Want my arm around you?"

"Absolutely I do." KJ turns on his side to face away, scooting back up against Logan and bringing his arm around him. "Do you dream, on these pills?"

"Nope. Not that I'm aware of," Logan murmurs, brushing his lips across the nape of KJ's neck.

"All right. Just relax and be with me then," KJ says, settling in happily and brushing his lips over Logan's knuckles.

"I will," Logan whispers with another kiss, arm tightening as he fits himself perfectly to his lover's body, the meds quickly taking effect.


End file.
